


if ever I try to push away, you can just keep me there

by catching_paper_moons



Series: beginner's luck [1]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Injury, M/M, Pining, they're soft and pining and it's a lot for both of them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-12-03 15:23:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11535006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catching_paper_moons/pseuds/catching_paper_moons
Summary: The thing about Philadelphia is it's really, really close to Jersey City





	if ever I try to push away, you can just keep me there

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of fiction; if you personally know anyone in this story, turn back.
> 
> I still don't really publish all that often, but I'm trying to more and more! I hope you enjoy these soft boys.
> 
> Title from CHVRCHES "Clearest Blue"

The thing about Philadelphia is it’s really, really close to Jersey City. 

Not that the cities are neighbors, by any means, but they’re only an hour and a half apart. Which is pretty crazy, when Nolan thinks about it. He’s only like an hour bus ride from like 5 NHL cities he plays in. The east coast is cool like that. 

It also maybe makes it easier for him to go visit Nico when Nico gets injured.

It’s not like he planned it. He’d been half-watching the game, Provs in their kitchen making dinner, and then he’d looked up in time to see a replay of a really, really bad hit and he’d almost thrown up right then and there. Provs had come in and winced at the third replay. Did they really need that many replays?

“Yikes. Looks bad,” he’d said, which prompted Nolan to get up and throw some clothes, his phone charger, and a toothbrush in his backpack and walk out the door. He wasn’t even thinking; he just stopped at a Dunkin Donuts for coffee and drove.

He knew the drive to Nico’s place by heart; they’d both been so pent up with nervous energy that Nolan ended up driving there nearly every day he could during preseason. After it’d been deemed official they were both staying up, Nolan was still driving there when he could, to help Nico unpack and decorate. And Nico didn’t have a license yet, so.

It was a way to see him, he supposes. He knows that’s not just bros, but what’s a guy to do when he has a hopeless crush?

He lets himself in with the spare key; he knows the game just ended and that Nico won’t even be home yet, and he sits at Nico’s counter and thinks  _ what the fuck did I just do?  _ He’s never made a rash decision in his life that wasn’t related to love, so he knows his whole “trying to get over this crush” thing isn’t going well.

After fifteen minutes of dread, the door handle jiggles and Nico comes in, looking rather worse for the wear. Nolan says, “Hey, Nico.” 

Nico startles a bit, but seems to relax slightly once he sees it’s just Nolan. “Nolan. You are...here? In my apartment?” He sets his bag down and walks toward him. “Did...is everything okay?”

“I feel like I should be asking you that, bud,” Nolan replies, brushing a strand of Nico’s hair out of his face. “Did you drive yourself home?”

“No, Taylor did,” Nico says. He leans into Nolan’s touch slightly, and Nolan runs his thumb back and forth across Nico’s cheek. “I guess you saw.”

“Yeah. Kinda didn’t think, just drove. Luckily I have today and tomorrow off.” He takes a deep breath, then sighs. “What’s the damage?”

“Cracked rib. Three weeks, they say. Don’t want to miss any time though. Won’t be able to catch you in the standings,” Nico jokes, albeit weakly. Nolan can tell he’s frustrated with himself, with the hit, with the game. 

“Hey, you’ll catch me in no time. I’m made of glass remember?” He goes for light but Nico only frowns more. “I was kidding.”

“But I don’t want you injured,” Nico says, furrowing his brows. “Want you healthy, playing. That’s when you’re best.” He turns his face into Nolan’s shoulder and Nolan hugs him, careful not to jostle him too much. Nico’s breath shudders against his shoulder, and Nolan resists the urge to kiss the top of his head, because while this visit is probably not just bro things, kissing your bro’s forehead is  _ definitely  _ not just bro things.

“I’m sorry, Hisch,” Nolan says quietly. “I wish this hadn’t happened in your rookie season.” They hug a little longer, and Nico pulls back a little, eyes red. He’s shaking slightly. “You should rest.”

“Yeah,” Nico replies, not moving.

“Come on,” Nolan says, moving them both toward Nico’s bedroom. Nico changes while Nolan brushes his teeth, and when Nolan comes back, Nico is laying on the bed. “You good?”

“Hurts,” he says, frowning. Nolan feels like this might be the most he’s ever seen Nico frown. “I’m afraid maybe to move.” 

“Here,” Nolan says, helping him sit up. He moves some of the pillows around, and lays Nico back down. “Better?”

Nico nods. “I’m lucky you came. Would’ve been hard by myself.” He laughs and then winces, grunting in pain. Nolan frowns. “It’s okay.”

“God, but, still,” Nolan says. “I don’t want you to be hurt.” 

Nico smiles slightly. “You’re too good to me.” He settles back a little more, then reaches for Nolan. “Are you...did you...um.”

“I have clothes for tomorrow, yeah, I’m staying,” he says, brushing Nico’s hair back again. Nico nods to himself. “I can take the couch, if-”

“No, no,” Nico says quickly. “Um. Stay here? With me?” Nolan can’t tell if it’s just how tired he is or if it’s Nico actually blushing, but Nico turns very red so Nolan takes pity on him and just lays next to him. 

“Try and sleep, Hisch,” he says, running his fingers through Nico’s hair again. Nico relaxes into the touch and falls asleep pretty quickly, Nolan still stroking his hair.  

 

And, like.

It’s not like Nolan is stupid. He knows there’s feelings there, between both of them. He knows it’s probably mostly him, and that Nico is sweet and doesn’t want to hurt him, but. They both have feelings, and Nolan thinks it sucks that they can’t do anything about it. 

He thinks it sucks that Nico is injured and that he can’t be there to take care of him every day while he’s injured. He wants to do that for Nico, to be there for Nico in ways he can’t be, because their schedules don’t line up enough for that. 

He wishes he could be that support for Nico, the way Nico has been for him.

Nico shifts in his sleep, making a snuffling noise like his breath caught wrong and Nolan sits up so fast he sees stars. But Nico’s still asleep, just shifted a bit, and so Nolan lays back down and just looks. He looks until his eyelids feel heavy and hard to keep open, and he falls asleep with his hand barely brushing Nico’s hip.

 

He wakes up before Nico does, bright and early at 6:30, and wishes he’d slept better. But he gets up anyway, and tries to use Nico’s coffee maker and gets confused but ends up succeeding after the fifth try. He’s sipping on the coffee when Nico limps slowly into the room.

“Hi, sleepy,” Nico says, smiling. It makes Nolan chuckle.

“Hi, yourself,” Nolan says back. “I made enough for you.”

“I wish you were here all the time. Your coffee is always better than mine.” And that’s. Well. 

It’s true, but Nolan doesn’t know when they got to that point in their friendship where that’s normal to say.

He opts for casual chirping instead. “Yeah, your coffee is shit.” That makes Nico laugh, bright and loud, which is then cut off with a muffled “ow.” “You good?”

“Haven’t taken the medicine yet,” Nico says, strolling toward him, pills in hand. “Thanks for staying. I didn’t want to be alone last night.”

“Of course,” Nolan says. He sounds too sincere, almost, but it’s hard to not be, around Nico; he just has this way about him that makes you want to always be as sincere and good as you can be. “I know how that can be.”

“Did you sleep okay?” Nico asks, taking the pills and then a sip of coffee. Nolan crinkles his nose.

“Sort of. Woke up a little earlier than I wanted to, but it’s okay. Any pain while you slept?”

“No,” Nico says. “Or, if there was I didn’t notice. I only woke up once.”

“That’s gotta be a good sign, right?” Nico shrugs, and that makes Nolan realize just how frustrated Nico actually is. He can tell Nico is being tough on himself, tough on his injury. Nolan never wants to be injured but he’s sort of thankful that he had to deal with shitty injuries and too many surgeries as a kid because he won’t be as frustrated now. 

“I hate being injured.”

“Yeah, well,” Nolan says, because there’s not much more he can say. Nico leans against him. “Being injured sucks, but three weeks is a good turn around time.” Nico nods a little but stays put, sipping his coffee. He makes a face. “What, my coffee not good enough for you?”

Nico reaches for Nolan’s mug and takes a sip. “Yours is better,” he says, and Nolan laughs. “You put more cream in. I never get a good enough ratio.” 

“Well, take it, then, I’m awake,” Nolan says, sliding the mug closer to Nico. Nico’s eyes light up and that makes Nolan smile. He knows what he looks like, he knows that he can’t control his face around Nico. Nico takes another sip of Nolan’s coffee and looks at Nolan, like he’s considering.

“What?” Nolan asks, and Nico shakes his head.

“Nothing, Nol. Just happy you’re here.” Nolan smiles again and Nico smiles back, and they head slowly to the couch and watch bad early morning talk shows. Nico falls asleep against Nolan’s side, and Nolan looks down and wonders how the hell they got here, to this place. 

He wishes again that they could do something about the feelings they both have. Nico was in full flirt mode this morning, and Nolan felt...he felt at home, like he could always wake up next to Nico and make him coffee and put too much cream in his so Nico would steal it. And that they could make breakfast together and Nolan could push Nico up against the wall and kiss him before they both left for the day. 

He looks down at Nico and wants more than anything in the world. He looks and looks and his eyes prickle with tears because he wants so much that he can’t have. 

Nico stirs suddenly, snapping Nolan out of his reverie. “Hi,” he says.

“Hey back,” Nolan says softly. His voice doesn’t crack which he thinks is a testament to his character.

“You’re thinking too loud, it woke me up,” Nico jokes, but he catches on to the fact that Nolan is kind of crying, and he sits up alarmingly fast for someone with a cracked rib. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, it’s just,” Nolan looks at the TV, and Whoopi Goldberg is talking about some crisis with the children and Nolan shrugs. “She made me cry.” 

Nico narrows his eyes. “Whoopi Goldberg made you cry,” he repeats, looking at the TV, where she’s saying something about not enough water and it’s too hot and Nolan nods. “Nolan.”

“Nico.” Nolan is staring hard at the TV, and Nico takes his hand. “It’s fine.”

“You were crying,” Nico protests, smoothing Nolan’s hair back. “And I don’t think it was because of Whoopi Goldberg.” Nolan can’t believe he gets this right now. He can’t believe Nico is injured and still wants to take care of him. He lets himself want, and he leans in and kisses Nico.

It’s...pretty good for a first kiss, Nolan thinks. He’s got his hands in Nico’s hair and Nico’s got one hand playing with the hairs on the nape of his neck and the other cupping his face. Nolan starts to pull back but Nico pulls him in, kissing him with more fervor until he says, “Ow.’

Nolan pulls back immediately. “Did I hurt you?” he asks, reaching to pull up Nico’s shirt.

“You move quick, already want my shirt off?” Nico’s smile is genuine, but Nolan can see he’s in pain.

“You’re avoiding my question,” Nolan says, tugging at the bottom of Nico’s shirt. “Did I hurt you?”

“No, Nolan,” Nico says. “But maybe we should-”

“Talk about that, I’m sorry,” Nolan says. “I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

“Why not?” Nico asks. “I meant we should talk about why you were crying. Kissing you was fine.”

Nolan’s mind goes through a lot in the thirty seconds following that statement. “It was  _ just _ fine?”

Nico rolls his eyes. “Kissing you was great, happy?” He kisses Nolan again. “But why were you crying? I’m not going to let this go.” He kisses Nolan one more time, and Nolan pulls back completely.

“Wait. Okay. Listen. I don’t want this to come across like I’m not completely on board with the kissing because I super totally am.” 

“Good,” Nico says, interrupting. “Now will you tell me-”

“But I was crying because I just. I don’t know how this works.” Nolan looks down and he feels his face get hotter; he’s probably even more red than usual. Nico coughs and Nolan looks up. “What?”

“Don’t know how what works? Sex?” Nolan’s eyes practically bug out of his head and Nico looks so confused. “Well I’m confused! What don’t you know?” 

“I...Jesus, Nico, I’m a 19 year old boy, I’ve seen porn before, I know how sex works,” he says, and Nico snorts. “I’ve also had sex before. Anyway that’s super  _ not _ the point I’m trying to make,” he rambles. 

“Then what is?” Nico asks, softer this time. Nolan is quiet for a long time, not saying anything. Nico brushes his hair out of his face. “Talk to me.” 

“How would we work? We don’t live in the same place, we’re like two hours apart-”

“Hour and a half,” Nico interrupts, and Nolan gives him a look. “Sorry. Continue.” 

“And I just. I want this so much. But it’s a lot of work and I don’t want to force you into something and have you end up half-assing it or me half-assing it...” He trails off and looks at Nico. “What?”

“You drove here because I got injured, Nol. I don’t think you’re going to be half-assing anything,” Nico says, smoothing his hair back again. “And you’re not forcing me into anything. I want this, have wanted this...probably since the combine. You get me, you know? You always have.” Nico leans in and kisses him, for real this time, and Nolan has never been more overwhelmed and happy at the same time.

They kiss until they’re tired and need food and they make breakfast together. Nolan steals so many kisses from Nico while he makes eggs, and this is everything Nolan’s ever wanted and more. He’s smiling at Nico softly, and he can’t make himself stop. 

Nico looks up and frowns. “What?”

Nolan shakes his head. “Nothing. Just happy,” he says. Nico leans across the counter and kisses him and, yeah, Nolan could get used to this. 

 

By the time Nolan leaves that night, they’ve worked out days to visit each other and what they’re doing during bye week and he’s never been happier. 

“Please call me if you need me to come back while you’re healing,” Nolan says as Nico walks him to the door. 

“You’re going to be here next Saturday,” Nico says. He backs Nolan up against the door and kisses him. “I’ll be fine.” 

“Okay, but don’t try to do it alone, call me, call your mom, call Hall or Mikey or-”

“I will, you big softie.” He kisses Nolan one more time and Nolan smiles.

“I’m just making sure,” he says, and Nico laughs quietly.

“I know. Go home, you have to get up early, okay?” He opens the door and Nolan leans against it. He looks around quickly and leans in and kisses Nico, because he can do that now, and Nico pulls back and rolls his eyes. “Bye, Nolan.”

It’s only when he pulls into his parking spot at his apartment that he realizes he’s wearing a Devils shirt with Nico’s name on it.

**Nolan** : Uh, I’m wearing your shirt?

**Nico:** Oops, did i switch them on accident? ;-)

Nolan has never loved someone more.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This was just something I wrote real quick because I want more of these two always and it felt right. 
> 
> Come yell w/ me on twitter about these two and other soft boys (@adamsparirsh).


End file.
